Princess Melita Bonaparte Lap Dances Way To Infamy

Her Imperial Highness, not at all to our surprise, has sunk to a new low. She now adds #LAPDANCING to her resume, and is not in the least ashamed of it.

What good is Royalty anyway, if they, at the very least, can’t act “Royal?” The Bonaparte Princess of the Imperial line has the audacity to be ‘in negotiations’ with the government of Serbia, in an effort to ‘offer her services’ as their first #QueenRegnant.

In her spare time, she lap dances, shamelessly, upsetting the social order. The most recent Lap Dance caper was pulled just last night @ Fork Cafe, 469 Castro Street. She was supposed to be there to honour Julie Newmar, not to promote her own laughable & pathetic career. Here we have proof that she knocked food from the Laps of Patrons & gave them her unasked-for version of a Lap Dance. Now, we understand why Peaches Christ has refused to consider her for SHOWGIRLS. The resulting photograph shows how low a person can go when entering the VALLEY OF THE DOLLS. The poor guests who had expected to be there to meet & greet the stars of SIXTEEN CANDLES & JULIE NEWMAR, were subjected to filth from Princess Melita Bonaparte. Today, she is expected to reprise her silly role as “THE HOT COP OF THE CASTRO”–it’s always at the expense of someone else, she pulls her capers.

Unroyally employed as a NON-UNION #LAPDANCER, Princess Melita Bonaparte not only brings disgrace to the House of Bonaparte & all other Royal Families, but takes away job opportunities from those who have trained diligently with such renowned institutions such as the San Francisco Ballet for the few #Lapdance jobs that are left.  "I don't care, I deserve to have fun, " was all the Princess would say when asked by reporting staff to justify her undignified behaviour.

Unroyally employed as a NON-UNION #LAPDANCER, Princess Melita Bonaparte not only brings disgrace to the House of Bonaparte & all other Royal Families, but takes away job opportunities from those who have trained diligently with such renowned institutions such as the San Francisco Ballet for the few #Lapdance jobs that are left. “I don’t care, I deserve to have fun,” was all the Princess would say when asked by reporting staff to justify her undignified behaviour.

“If I Can’t Do Right, Wrong Is The Only Choice Left.”–Princess Melita Bonaparte

Last night, Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte became the first non-reigning Monarch-in-waiting, to be honoured by a non-commissioned portrait of her likeness. It was all done via telepathy, as neither the Princess nor the artist had ever met. When H.I.H was presented by her page with the newspaper announcement of this special art event, she was immediately struck by the uncanny Imperial resemblance. “I ordered my page to get the driver immediately. I had to attend”

“There are no accidents, except freak accidents; and they are the only ones that interest me,” informed the Princess. “When I saw this freak accident posted via the press, I knew I had to come & see myself as others see me. It seemed to me to be the opportunity of a lifetime, too good to pass up.”

"When I saw this, I knew that I was chosen to be the vessel of Restoration for the Greek Monarchy."--Melita Bonaparte

“When I saw this, I knew that I was chosen to be the vessel of Restoration for the Greek Monarchy. There was no longer any question in my mind, this is an authentic miracle, one that will be proven by the Holy Orthodox & Catholic Church”–Melita Bonaparte

“Of course, given my inclinations, I was, indeed, tempted by my lifelong love of authentic horror to be drawn to the article immediately below. But Sanctified, as all Royalty is, I was Divinely guided to make the Right Choice, the only choice I could possibly make. Out of duty to my people, I appeared, and horror merged with art, and we were one. It was the happiest evening of my life. Only the Rite (and my right) of Holy Coronation, could be any better.”

"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I've never tried before."--Maw West

“When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I’ve never tried before.”–Mae West

The Doppelgänger Moment of Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte
26 April 2014 Prior to Coronation: 800 Chestnut Street, San Francisco.

Photograph of White Head I, 2012, by artist Ashley Bickerton--

Photograph of White Head I, 2012, by artist Ashley Bickerton

"Finding one's self is a life long journey.  Artist Ashley Bickerton has provided me the map."--Princess Melita Bonaparte 26 April 2014

Finding one’s self is a life long journey. Artist Ashley Bickerton has provided me the map.”–Princess Melita Bonaparte 26 April 2014

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