In Texas, LONE STAR ATTITUDE Defines Fashion

When tornadoes or ice & snow storms, or missing aircraft wings, engines, pilots, computer power failures, just little things, leave you stranded in the gift shop area of Dallas/Fort Worth Airport, you must take on your best bovine appearance, and just cross the line—you have entered, not the Twilight Zone, but the LONE STAR ATTITUDE. You will steer yourself gently into a ranch of fashion, roped in by the glamour, the allure of being truly not just ‘in’ Texas, but ‘of’ Texas! Your vows of poverty can no longer apply, you are now earthbound till the next weather alert! You are in Terminal C–and don’t you forget it!

In Texas, the cost of using human models for fashion statements has been out sourced, or taken to the pasture.  The cows have finally horned in & have taken over!

In Texas, the cost of using human models for fashion statements has been out sourced, or taken to the pasture. The cows have finally horned in & have taken over!

Fashion designers from Texas were in despair in their attempts to find human models who were not morbidly obese, so they switched to cattle.  It cost them less, and they did not move on to high paying careers in the film industry.

Fashion designers from Texas were in despair in their attempts to find human models who were not morbidly obese, so they switched to cattle. It cost them less, and they did not move on to high paying careers in the film industry.

THE FUTURE OF FASHION IS IN A MILKSHAKE–BE CAREFUL WHEN ORDERING YOUR NEXT CHEESEBURGER!

In Texas, the designers for Texas Attitude have beefed up their couture

In Texas, the designers for Texas Attitude have beefed up their couture.

In Texas, You Eat Your Ice Cream In A Skillett. /Ien Teayxus, ya eet ayscream en uh skyillieatte

DALLAS-FORT WORTH: MUNDUS IN AIRPORT PESSIMUM

Here is a photograph of a skillet of ice cream with what looks to be a pickle slice on the side. You are quite correct, there are two before photographs, I did lose count.
This is the CRITICAL OBSERVATION PHASE, just before surrendering to the allure of Texas cuisine, while waiting for my flight to be cancelled: 29 May 2013.

I don't remember eating any pickle slice with my skillet of ice-cream.  I think that custom is only left in Waco.

I don’t remember eating any pickle slice with my skillet of ice-cream. I think that custom remains only in Waco.

Due to tornadoes, I had an entire day @ the Dallas/Fort Worth Airport. One can do a lot in a day @ the world’s worst airport, get in trouble deep, or eat ice-cream in a skillet & or get caught up on current events reading. I chose the latter.

Here is a BEFORE photograph of a skillet of ice-ceam.

In Texas, you get a skillet of ice-cream.  Bowls are only used when going to the Governor's Mansion.

In Texas, you get a skillet of ice-cream. Bowls are only used when going to the Governor’s Mansion.


Besides that, I read lots & lots & lots of Dan Savage columns in rather large stack of SF Weekly magazines I accumulated over the past several months, not having had the time to work them in my regular, domestic reading schedule. SF Weekly is very good at in-depth investigative journalism–you learn a lot of unpleasant things about the goings on with MUNI, how horrible their repair situation for bus parts is! They simply make do, like you would if in Texas or Arkansas, they just cannibalize existing older buses, till there’s nothing left but a shell. Their lots must look like mobile home courts after those tornadoes sent as punishment for all those mobile home court meth labs. They don’t keep any computerised system for bus repair parts. If they would enter the 21st Century & stop hiring their relatives, and get the computer stuff going, the managers might know at any given time what parts are in stock, and when these parts are about to be depleted, so that they may order BEFORE running out. But they are not interested in the work that needs to be done, only protecting their turf & placing their inept relatives in good paying positions. Put the “N” back in Nepotism, that’s their motto. Then there are the crime reports, the fun technology reports. They report about all kinds of things. When tornadoes wipe out your flight, you get to have time for lots of reading, unless, as I suggested, you chose trouble deep.

Here is what happens when it’s all over.

The skillet of ice-cream, sort of what happens when you chose not to get into trouble deep & return to the Gate where your flight is doomed to be cancelled & you pick up your SF Weekly to see what Dan Savage has to say about mixing pickles with ice-cream.

The skillet of ice-cream, sort of what happens when you chose not to get into trouble deep & return to the Gate where your flight is doomed to be cancelled & you pick up your SF Weekly to see what Dan Savage has to say about mixing pickles with ice-cream.

Heinz Throws In That Ever Reliable Condiment For Your Enjoyment!

You don't have to put this on your skillet of ice-cream, but it's there if you want it.

You don’t have to put this on your skillet of ice-cream, but it’s there if you want it.

Why did I call Dallas/Fort Worth the world’s worst airport? Anybody pick up on that? Go ahead & defend it–it’s fine not go along with this opinion, just tell me, please about one that’s worse–Share your stories…You might sway me to advise that two such medals be struck.

Well, to answer my own question: THEY KNEW THAT THE FLIGHT WAS GOING TO BE CANCELLED!!!! No way could they have not known. Even Zombies could figure it out. Instead of doing the right thing, and getting us packed off to Best Western, they kept having us go from “pillar to post,” from one Gate to another Gate. I counted 7 times in 90m minutes, and the woman next to me, who had a cellular telephone, corrected me, and told me she had developed a spreadsheet on her tiny mobile device that showed it was 9! Women are good for that, really they are. I appreciated the correction, and we just threw our heads back and howled. If DFW were a decent airport, they would not have permitted people way into their 70s charging back & forth in states of anxiety about missing a flight that they knew damned good & well was cancelled. They were playing nasty-assed mind games at the expense of the emotions, time, and nerves of many people who were trying to get to Joplin, Missouri. I know they can’t help the weather, but they can help how they respond to it. Period! There was no excuse for that lunacy, no a bit!

Logo for the world's worst airport, getting away with stupid instead of management--sort of civil service in their approach.  Do they hire their relatives too?

Logo for the world’s worst airport, getting away with stupid instead of management–sort of civil service in their approach. Do they hire their relatives too?

And here is the connecting flight from DFW to Joplin, the one that got away.  They knew that they were going to have to cancel the flight.  Why did they enjoy making us go back & forth to 9 different Gates in a 90m minute time period?  That is crazy!

This is the connecting flight from DFW to Joplin, the one that got away. They knew that they were going to have to cancel the flight. Why did they enjoy making us go back & forth to 9 different Gates in a 90m minute time period? That was totally irresponsible & crazy!

THE AIRPORT AUTHORITIES DID NOT KNOW THAT THE FLIGHT WAS GOING TO BE CANCELLED? OH PLEASE! Princess Melita Bonaparte is contacting Cartier’s to have a medal struck to present to them “Worst Airport in the World.” It may actually say “Pire aéroport au monde,” or she might go for Latin, to give it a more universal appeal,” Mundus in Airport pessimum.” I will advise her to go for the Latin, it seems to have more guts, it really tells the story.

The immediate countryside knew that this flight was going to be cancelled, but they kept passenger hopping like crazed rabbits from damned Gate to another for 90 minutes before giving in to reality!

The immediate countryside knew that this flight was going to be cancelled, but they kept passengers hopping like crazed rabbits from one damned Gate to another for 90 minutes before giving in to reality!