Giant Rabbit Hops Princess! Christmas Day Mayhem!

25 December 2013-San Francisco–A giant rabbit, lurking the otherwise peaceful neighbourhood of Masonic Avenue, was released by a Satanic Cult, to spy upon, and ultimately, murder, the newly installed Queen of Alaska & The North Pole, Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte. Less than two weeks ago, when attempting to raise funds for the restoration of the dilapidated Greek Tatoi Palace, the Princess, a living Saint, was attacked by a trained elephant.

“None of the other members of my extensive Bonaparte clan will step forward to help me,” the terrified Princess told us @ the time of press. “I stand alone, single-handedly trying to restore monarchies, Portugal, Italy, Russia, Greece, Ethiopia, Brasil, none of them will lift a finger,” wept the Princess. Even the Turkish people want to return to life under the Eastern Empire, and no one could lead them better than I. But I will not be embittered by this experience. Someone had put something in this poor rabbits lettuce. Why Let Us Alone is my poem for all rabbits, and none of them would think of attacking me, unless under the influence of bad, bad, bad people–I think Sarah Palin is directly responsible, and intend to get to the bottom of this rancid barrel of rot!”-ranted the rattled Princess.

Fortunately, all of this was recorded by FBI Intelligence Officer, Gilbert Pickett, who prevented the near slaughter of the Princess. “It was almost like a ritual,” noted Mr Pickett.

"This giant rabbit, like the kind you see all over Germany, came out of nowhere & started for the kitchen knife.  I thought it was the end," reported Mr Pickett.

“This giant rabbit, like the kind you see all over Germany, came out of nowhere & started for the kitchen knife. I thought it was the end,” reported Mr Pickett.

"The only thing that saved me was my Prayers for Divine Intervention.  I prayed for liquid nitrogen, and I think Batkid must have dropped some though the opened window," explained the devout Princess.

“The only thing that saved me was my Prayers for Divine Intervention. I prayed for liquid nitrogen, and I think Batkid must have dropped some though the opened window,” explained the devout Princess.

It was observed that the rabbit seemed to have a great deal of familiarity with the set up of the apartment of the party host…this simply added layers of confusion to the matter, when conversation drifted to MURDER SHE WROTE…

"Not to worry, I have it all recorded on here," Intelligence Officer Gilbert Pickett reported.

“Not to worry, I have it all recorded on here,” Intelligence Officer Gilbert Pickett reported.

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