“I have been sworn to protect the Royal Bloodline with my life.”–VAMPIRE ACADEMY-In worse shape than City College of San Francisco-Needs New Board of Directors or Fresh Blood!

“Of course, this line was my motto & everyone knows this,” says Princess Melita Bonaparte

See, it is the Family Motto: Ego levavi manum meam ut praesidium regium et cum sanguine vitam.

Even advertising on the side of Westfield Centre couldn't keep this Titanic on course.  The plot line was too confusing & the dialogue was splattered with endless chatter that added very little to map out who was going where.  It had potential to be funny and/or make a statement.  Unfortunately, it did neither & sank without benefit of iceberg.  There were no life boat for this one @ all!  The 'standee' art work was better than the film!

Even advertising on the glass doors of Westfield Centre couldn’t keep this Titanic on course or lure passengers to their death by being comatose with boredom. The plot line was too confusing & the dialogue was splattered with endless chatter that added very little to map out who was going where. It was even more muddled to have an exclusive Vampire boarding school with Euro Royalty that had no connection to the plot. It had potential to be funny and/or make a statement. Unfortunately, it did neither & sank without benefit of an iceberg. There were no life boats for this one @ all! The ‘standee’ art work was better than the film!

You Tube of Princess Melita Bonaparte’s Boarding School-Vampire Academy! She was at the bottom of her class! She was always a bottom feeder & her teeth prove it!

Princess Melita Bonaparte barely made her grades @ Vampire Academy! The deans were ready to expel Her Imperial Ineptness when, all of a sudden, she made it to the very top of her class-and was graduated summa cum laude. It stunned her classmates, they knew she had cheated on all of her examinations. Like Richard Nixon (long before he became famous, actually did this, a sort of foreshadowing of a caper to come later in his career), she broke into the professor’s office & pilfered through the files, using tons of liquid paper to change rows and rows of “F”s to “A”s-she was able to pull off a feat nearly as astonishing as Carrie White winning the Prom Queen title.

From the bottom of her class, now to the top of the world. She is the new Oprah!

But: There was The Vampire Manifesto, written entirely by her–& dedicated to Valerie Solanas & Patrick Stewart.

“Dental rights for Vampires”–and “Blood Safe For Vampires Is Good For The Bloody World” made headline articles in the New England Journal Of Medicine & People Magazine. She provided expert economic analysis that defied refutation at all levels, proving that what was good for vampires would lead to exponential economic growth, unparalleled in world history. Every small town in the Middle West would have two, (not just one) Wal-Mart’s. Princess Melita demands FREEDOM OF CHOICE, as long as it is what SHE wants. She is just perfect to be a middle manager as well as being Empress of the Universe! To this date, she is being considered for the Order of Charlemagne (for protecting blood lines), the Pulitzer Prize (for fiction) and the Nobel Peace Prize (for human rights for vampires)! There is no end to her accomplishments & her proposals are being adopted by the FDA without corporate payoffs or the formation of any PACs. A Postal Zip code is being considered for her personal use. She demanded good service & still wants the Post Office to send her the DVDs she sent to Dorothy Malone’s agent to be autographed , who kept them & did nothing with them. She contacted the FBI, Senator Diane Feinstein, and they did nothing! The London School of Economics is creating a chair, just for her use–so that her blood supply won’t be stale. President Obama plans immediate action to add her list of dental hygiene suggestions to Obamacare. Popular acclaim for the Imperial Princess may threaten Hillary Clinton’s chances of being the first woman president. “It’s fine, I can wait another 8 years,” Mrs Clinton has been heard muttering under her breath. “Pour être le premier président avec un titre impérial et royal est un noble objectif,” proclaims the Princess, under her breath. It’s a good day for Listerine!

“One little bite for a man, one meal for mankind,” Princess Melita said in a recent telecast from Moon. She went there without a passport, and is wondering now, was this a set-up?

I want Universal Vampire Rights & Access to Health Care–she demands! Plus, we have ‘special needs’ vampires, those who cannot reach taller people. She is placing a special request for step stools to the Carpenter’s Union, and asking that Miss Manners devote an entire column to explain proper etiquette for tall people with long necks who encounter hungry vampires who are short. “Kindness to vampires will be it’s own reward,” we are being told.

Will Ben & Jerry come up with a new ice cream flavour? Will all new cars be blood-red?

Princess Melita Bonaparte was graduated from Vampire Academy summa cum laude.

Princess Melita Bonaparte was graduated from Vampire Academy summa cum laude.

Post Graduation Celebration @ Mel’s Diner–just steps away from her film debut!

"I sweated Blood for this degree of frustration," says Her Imperial Highness.  "Now 1000 Van Ness has tossed my Alma Mater in their dumpster!  Celebrating @ Mel's--summa cum laude!

I sweated Blood for this degree of frustration,” says Her Imperial Highness. “Now 1000 Van Ness has tossed my Alma Mater in their dumpster! Celebrating @ Mel’s–summa cum laude!

“I will do my best to protect Film Inspired Art from being tossed into the dumpster @ 1000 Van Ness & I will do my best to restore the Greek Monarchy,” promises the Imperial One.

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