Bonaparte Passport Binge Bums Bureaucracy!

The function of a Passport is to create jobs for people who can’t work in the real world? Or is it to give permission to cross imaginary boarders legally, so that you can go to Constantinople & end up in jail there for doing what the locals do? You got me! But without a Passport, once I go to Constantinople (which is illegally called Istanbul), I can’t come back here.

Princess Melita Bonaparte explains that Passports were issued according to the Bible. I knew she’d say that. She claims to be kin to King Solomon. I looked it up in Wikipedia, and found out that what she said appears to be true. But she claims that Passports are now issued by Multiplex Cinemas & that’s how she got hers, by going to see films all the time & having them issue her a new Passport almost weekly. “I wanted to be able to go to every country in the world,” she said.

The Passport Office Staff were so fed up with the obvious (to them) document fraud, that one of them shot Princess Melita Bonaparte.  The passport office worker quit her job that very day, and is still on the lam.

The Passport Office Staff were so fed up with the obvious (to them) document fraud, that one of them shot Princess Melita Bonaparte The passport office worker quit her job that very day, and is still on the lam. [/caption
In English history, King Henry V issued the first Passport, and Princess Melita Bonaparte claims to have that in her possession, and uses this as proof that she SHOULD be the reigning Monarch of the United Kingdom. “I keep in touch will all world issues by reading People Magazine, the National Enquirer, and going to action films. This qualifies me to be far more suited to manage the country than any of those Bush people!” The Princess screamed this so loudly @ 3:00, that car alarms went off, and someone called the police. False Alarm.

[caption id="attachment_6126" align="aligncenter" width="460"]Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte actually thought that this #shareAMC #staycations was an authentic passport & went home, fiddled around, printed it, and tried to leave the country. Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, actually thought that this #shareAMC #staycations was an authentic passport & went home, fiddled around, printed it, and tried to leave the country.

She, of course, got caught…

What worked as a #Megamoviefan did not work as a form of legal identity.  #shareAMC tried to explain that they had no control of Princess Melita Bonaparte's affairs, foreign or domestic.

What worked as a #Megamoviefan did not work as a form of legal identity. #shareAMC tried to explain that they had no control of Princess Melita Bonaparte’s affairs, foreign or domestic.

The Imperial Princess really did think that she could have endless passports all over the world, due to her Imperial & Royal status.

Many will shake their heads with disbelief--but Princess Melita truly thought that #Maleficent was a country, same as #Transformers, #Godzilla.  For some reason, she did not have that level of confusion about #Spider-Man.  She thought he issued the Passport, and that it was a perfectly legal document.  Her response to being asked what was the reason she was making a trip to any given country, was to reply, "#staycation."

Many will shake their heads with disbelief–but Princess Melita truly thought that #Maleficent was a country, same as #Transformers, #Godzilla. For some reason, she did not have that level of confusion about #Spider-Man. She thought he issued the Passport, and that it was a perfectly legal document. Her response to being asked what was the reason she was making a trip to any given country, was to reply, “#staycation.”

The Bonaparte Princess got #staycation confused with the song made famous by singer #ConnieFrancis. We had to include a video, to show her the difference in spelling!

The Bonaparte Princess was so in love with #Spider-Man, that she thought she could get away with claiming that they were married.  It did not work, as Spider-Man ripped off her mask, to protect his legal rights from being compromised. It created much tension between France & USA.

The Bonaparte Princess was so deeply in love with #Spider-Man, that she thought she could get away with claiming that they were married. It did not work, as Spider-Man ripped off her mask, to protect his legal rights from being compromised. It created much tension between France & USA.

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After Spider-Man drew his line in the sand (or webbed her out of his life), Princess Melita Bonaparte turned to #Hercules for help.  By that time she was in a state of desperation, having violated all the #Anti-Hapsburg laws in #Austria.  She had no where to go.

After Spider-Man drew his line in the sand (or webbed her out of his life), Princess Melita Bonaparte turned to #Hercules for help. By that time she was in a state of desperation, having violated all the #Anti-Hapsburg laws in #Austria. She had no where else to go. No #ViennaSauges for the Princess.

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koko

Her last attempt @ Passport fraud was having her twin brother, Prince Roland Bonaparte II (better known as #CaptainSpaulding), pose for her. Her thinking was that no one would be able to tell the difference!  This attempt almost worked, airport security let her get through.  It was not till she got out the gin & had too  much, that she gave herself away!

Her last solo attempt @ Passport fraud was having her twin brother, Prince Roland Bonaparte II (better known as #CaptainSpaulding) pose for her. Her thinking was that no one would be able to tell the difference! This attempt almost worked, airport security let her get through. It was not till she got out the gin & had too much, that she gave herself away!

One of her other relatives (who prefers not to be identified, because he actually still has a Throne) got her a “Passport” that passed.

#Rumourhasit that the recent abdication of His Majesty, The King of Spain, was traced to his illegal effort to help his cousin Princess Melita Bonparte, obtain this illegal, but much more professional looking Passport.  We hope that she does not end up wearing an orange jump suit, unless it comes from the House of Versace.

#Rumourhasit that the recent abdication of His Majesty, The King of Spain, was traced to his illegal effort to help his cousin, Princess Melita Bonparte, obtain this illegal, but much more professional looking Passport. We hope that she does not end up wearing an orange jump suit, unless it comes from the House of Versace.

We were saddened to learn of the Abdication of His Majesty, King Juan Carlos of Spain. We were stunned to learn that it was because of his efforts to help his befuddled cousin gain access to Greece to help in the Restoration of their Monarchy.

Princess Melita Bonaparte Volunteers to Take CEO Position @ ORACLE

I HAVE NO QUALIFICATIONS FOR THIS JOB, OTHER THAN MY UNPARALELLED BEAUTY & TRANQUILITY OF SPIRIT. I WOULD SAVE THE SERBIAN PEOPLE MONEY, AS THEY WOULD NEED TO CHOSE ANOTHER QUEEN REGNANT, BUT THE MONEY I EARN AS CEO OF ORACLE WOULD GO TOWARDS THE RESTORATION OF THE GREEK, PORTUGUESE, AND ROUMANIAN MONARCHY.

IF THE PEOPLE OF SCOTLAND WANT INDEPENDENCE IT MUST BE WITH THE FOLLOWING CONDITION: I, HER IMPERIAL & APOSTOLIC HIGHNESS, PRINCESS MELITA BONAPARTE, WILL BECOME THEIR MOST CATHOLIC MAJESTY & WITH THAT SECURELY IN PLACE, EDINBURGH WILL BECOME THE RICHEST CITY IN THE WORLD. THE COMBINATION WILL BE UNMATCHED IN THE HISTORY OF MONARCHY, BUSINESS, POLITICS AND BEAUTIFUL JEWELRY
.

“WE CAN EXPORT THE POLITICS, BUT MY BASIC PLAN IS TO KEEP ALL OF THE MONEY & WEAR THE CROWN JEWELS TO BREAKFAST.”–Princess Melita Bonaparte

Her Imperial & Apostolic Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, posed before the post mortem (some question good taste & authenticity, but the Princess claims this is a True Fact & cannot be denied or questioned) before the head of her beloved ancestor, Mary Queen of Scots. "I cannot just sit by & watch my beloved Scotland lose their identity & turn into a another frozen-yogurt, banana republic, without at least trying to show them a a better way of life, pleaded the Princess.

Her Imperial & Apostolic Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, posed before the post mortem (some question good taste & authenticity, but the Princess claims this is a True Fact & cannot be denied or questioned) head of her beloved ancestor, Mary Queen of Scots. “I cannot just sit by & watch my beloved Scotland lose her national identity & turn into a another frozen-yogurt, banana republic, without at least trying to show them a a better way of life, and teach them customer service skills,” pleaded the Princess.

The True Fact: Princess Melita Bonaparte is ABOVE Such Problems

Common people have stink problems & Her Imperial Highness does see the need for government assistance, and has appealed to all Royal Houses of Europe, Africa, Asia, and Greenland to help those who stink.

“I know nothing of such matters, myself, but feel obligated to help those who do,” the Imperial Princess told us at press time.

“This might be the key to world peace, and I am willing to give it a try. Thus far, all other efforts have stank, and I think there ought to be a better way of doing business.” With that, we have now heard from Princess Melita Bonaparte.

Always ahead of the Game of Thrones, sound advise about smelly politics from one who is above such matters--Princess Melita Bonaparte, The Most Beautiful Woman in the World.

Always ahead of the Game of Thrones, sound advise about smelly politics from one who is above such matters–Princess Melita Bonaparte, The Most Beautiful Woman in the World.

And now, a word from Her Sponsors:

You Tube About How to Rid the World of Stink

PRINCESS MELITA BONAPARTE GETS DOWN TO CONSTRUCTING RESTORATION OF GREEK MONARCHY!

Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte follows in the path left by her Grandmother, Princess Marie Bonaparte, The Princess Andrew of Greece. The Greek Republic, all the dictatorships that have come & gone their nasty way, have left her totally unfazed. “They were not true Greeks, they cared only about personal glory. I have only dumpsters for them,” she tells us.

“The so-called Republic is terrible. They treated us, their Royal Family, terribly. They let Tatoi Palce go rack & ruin. It is up to me to make it habitable once again, so show to the world that Greek Culture did not end with St Paul, but has evolved like others. We are a modern Constitutional Monarchy that has been bullied by greedy politicians. We are eager to return, live within our means, and want to give our lives in the service of the Greek people. It is only a matter of time that the clouds of lies with be lifted. Once that happens, we will be vindicated, and return to the people who love us, who have missed us–and never leave them again.”

With that, Princess Melita Bonaparte wasted no time demonstrating her construction skills with a bulldozer, in perparation to adding a new wing to Tatoi Palace. “It will be used mostly to house antiquities of the more recent centuries, since about 1000 A.D., explained the Princess. “With a history as ancient as ours is, you cannot just lump all things together. People need to be able to take things in, one Era at a time. We look forward to the time we can focus on these matters instead of dealing with mean crooks who take these items to auction houses, at the expense of our heritage.”

Princess Melita Bonaparte considers the heritage of Greece priceless.  "All Eras must be given equal consideration. All have contributed to Greek culture as we know it today.  It is my job as part of the Royal Family to make sure that heritage is properly curated & stays in Greece."

Princess Melita Bonaparte considers the heritage of Greece priceless. “All Eras must be given equal consideration. All have contributed to Greek culture as we know it today. It is my job as part of the Royal Family to make sure that this heritage is properly curated & stays in Greece.”

Princess Melita Bonaparte demonstrates that she is not afraid to work. " I am married to Greek culture & ideals. I believe that a wedding dress should not be used only for one day, but should be used to renew your vows of fidelity at every opportunity. I eat breakfast in mine."

Princess Melita Bonaparte demonstrates that she is not afraid to work. ” I am married to Greek culture & ideals. I believe that a wedding dress should not be used only for one day, but should be used to renew your vows of fidelity at every opportunity. I eat breakfast in mine.”

No one understands this concept more than Princess Melita Bonaparte.  "I personally think that the money spend on Castro Street was not a good idea.  I needed more jewelry & a better wardrobe in my role as a Member of the Greek Royal Family.  They could have extended the Marshal Plan to help with the Restoration of the Greek Monarchy."

No one understands this concept more than Princess Melita Bonaparte. “I personally think that the money spent on Castro Street was not a good idea. I needed more jewelry & a better wardrobe in my role as a Member of the Greek Royal Family. They could have extended the Marshal Plan to help with the Restoration of the Greek Monarchy.”

Anti-Monarchist hecklers surrounded Princess Melita Bonaparte & threw her into the path of her personal bulldozer.  This sort of civil disruption is why she feels that she needs to return to Greece to restore respect & lawful government. She narrowly escaped with her life, but later granted a pardon to those who were uneducated as to recent events in Greek history.  They walked away in awe & wonder--fully loyal to the Monarchy.

Anti-Monarchist hecklers surrounded Princess Melita Bonaparte & threw her into the path of her personal bulldozer. This sort of civil disruption is why she feels that she needs to return to Greece to restore respect & lawful government. She narrowly escaped with her life, but later granted a pardon to those who were uneducated as to recent events in Greek history. They walked away in awe & wonder–fully loyal to the Monarchy.

Can Tatoi Palace Be Made Fit For A King Once More?

"Look what has happened to the Tatoi Palace of my youth!" --weeps the Princess

“Look what has happened to the Tatoi Palace of my youth!” –weeps the Princess

"Tatoi Palace has become the Grey Gardens of Greece.  It is a terrible shame what the Republic has allowed to happen."

“Tatoi Palace has become the Grey Gardens of Greece. It is a terrible shame what the Republic has allowed to happen.”

"The once beautiful & idyllic guest cottage must be brought back, otherwise, we will have to stay at Holiday Inn in Athens," laments the Princess.

“The once beautiful & idyllic guest cottage must be brought back, otherwise, we will have to stay at Holiday Inn in Athens,” laments the Princess.

“The Restoration of Tatoi Palace Will Lead To The Restoration of the Monarchy.”–Princess Melita Bonaparte

You Tube of Tatoi Palace

UGANDA HAS NOW OUTLAWED ALL RABBITS! INVITING TEA PARTY MEMBERS TO SPECIAL SIGNING CEREMONY FOR NEW LAW!!!!

Wishing to make their stand perfectly clear in a world that hops from issue to issue, the government of Uganda (may we point out that Uganda is not a Monarchy?) has told Princess Melita Bonaparte that the assassination attempt on her life on Christmas Day 2013 was entirely her fault, that she brought it on herself by being a person who has no appropriate identity & who is ‘intrinsically disordered.’ Therefore, they have decided to issue a warrant for the destruction of all rabbits, being afraid & concerned that there could very well be a rabbit uprising any day now.

Rabbits, it seems, have taken over Australia, and the government of Uganda wants no part of having to repeat what the Australians have learnt the hard way. All rabbits have been issued ear tags, and their homes have been routinely stripped of all possessions.

We don’t know what most rabbits own, beyond the shirts on their backs, but Her Imperial Highness, is issuing a FULL PARDON to the Christmas Rabbit, admitting that she had fed the poor creature a bacon sandwich, and “It goes against their nature to eat diets that have any meat in them. So it really was my fault.” Princess Melita Bonaparte has attempted to contact all embassies, all unemployed Bonapartes, and the Windsor family, to be generous and help take in any rabbit that comes from the country of Uganda.

All along it was my fault, confessed The Princess.  I fed her a bacon sandwich, and rabbits don't eat bacon.  I have issued the Christmas Rabbit a full pardon & seek to help her relatives in Uganda find shelter.

“All along it was my fault,” confessed The Princess. “I fed her a bacon sandwich, and rabbits don’t eat bacon. I have issued the Christmas Rabbit a full pardon & seek to help her relatives in Uganda find shelter.”

I won’t send them any of my cutlery, the Princess proclaimed in her annual State of February message–broadcast in 13 languages, starting in one more hour.

“My dear friends, loyal supporters, and dire enemies. We must set aside our differences to now come together to show solidarity for Uganda’s rabbit population. They are being traumatised beyond belief. Please, let us send a message of solidarity for Uganda’s rabbits. They are so much better than their government & deserve to be treated like the sentient beings that they are.”

Princess Melita Bonaparte has attempted to reach Pope Francis about this issue & is willing to help airlift rabbits seeking sanctuary to safety.

“If only the Greek government would restore our family to our rightful place in the order of things, we could invite the Ugandan rabbits to the Tatoi Palace, but it’s so terribly dilapidated, I doubt that they’d be very comfortable there.”

“IF my subjects and bitter enemies have any good suggestions as to what we need to do to approach the Ugandan government about not making everything illegal, please help us.”

"Mi case es su casa," proclaimed Princess Melita Bonaparte of the Tatoit Palace. I hope they can overlook the condition."

“Mi case es su casa,” proclaimed Princess Melita Bonaparte of the Tatoit Palace. I hope they can overlook the condition.”

Princess Melita Bonaparte thought the Ugandan rabbits could eat the vegetation that has taken over the palace.  "They would benefit us in this respect," she was overheard saying.

Princess Melita Bonaparte thought the Ugandan rabbits could eat the vegetation that has taken over the palace. “They would benefit us in this respect,” she was overheard saying.

The government (not a Monarchy, we repeat) of Uganda has erected a fence.  Rabbits on the inside of the fence must fear for their lives.  Those on the outside, looking in,  must understand that they could be on the inside looking out, and not to get too comfortable.

The government (not a Monarchy, we repeat) of Uganda has erected a fence. Rabbits on the inside of the fence must fear for their lives. Those on the outside, looking in, must understand that they could be on the inside looking out, and not to get too comforatble.

“Make no mistake about it: Uganda is the newest Tea Party Colony. Soon they will have Wal-Mart & Boston Baked Beans. It will stink, believe me!”–Princess Melita Bonaparte

Pray For All Marked Souls That They May Be Spared!

It is greatly feared that, 2013, a year of physical attacks upon the Imperial Princess, is just the beginning of a series of Paranormal activities to prevent her from her attempt to help Restore the Greek Monarchy.  Pray for her, that she may not be a Marked Soul!

It is greatly feared that, 2013, a year of physical attacks upon the Imperial Princess, is just the beginning of a series of Paranormal Activities to prevent her from attempting to help Restore the Greek Monarchy. Pray for her, that she may not be a Marked Soul!

Today, this first day of a New Year, 2014, pray for Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte. It is feared that she may be a MARKED SOUL. Two photographs, and a statuette, all of her likeness were left with flowers @ this gravesite, inside the AMC 14 Van Ness Avenue. Please pray for her that no harm may come to her. Pray that she may continue to live to serve others.

What we fear most is the leaving of flowers @ this gravesite. Someone wishes her dead! She has survived a recent attack from a trained elephant, and literally on Christmas Day, the Christmas Rabbit came from out of nowhere, and attempted to kill her. Now, these flowers, beautiful as they are, fill our hearts with fear. Are they a warning sign that she is to be marked, A MARKED SOUL?

She was promised by no less that the Orthodox Metropolitan of the North Pole that her efforts to establish world unity under her benevolent rule would be met with complete joy--but now that joy turns to fear!

She was promised by no less a source than the Orthodox Metropolitan of the North Pole that her efforts to establish world unity under her benevolent rule would be met with complete joy–but now that joy turns to fear!

Her connection to Napoleon I remains complete-her hopes for Greek Monarchy undiminished despite death threats.

Her connection to Napoleon I remains complete-her hopes for Greek Monarchy undiminished despite death threats.

Pray for Princess Melita Bonaparte, as you did for Rosemary's Baby...that she may live to fulfill her Destiny.

Pray for Princess Melita Bonaparte, as you did for Rosemary’s Baby…that she may live to fulfill her Destiny.

PRINCESS READY TO ACCEPT TITLE ‘COUNTESS OF OXNARD’ TO HELP OFFSET IMPENDING HORROR! SHE WILL ACCEPT HER FATE TO SAVE OXNARD FROM THIS TERROR!

Giant Rabbit Hops Princess! Christmas Day Mayhem!

25 December 2013-San Francisco–A giant rabbit, lurking the otherwise peaceful neighbourhood of Masonic Avenue, was released by a Satanic Cult, to spy upon, and ultimately, murder, the newly installed Queen of Alaska & The North Pole, Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte. Less than two weeks ago, when attempting to raise funds for the restoration of the dilapidated Greek Tatoi Palace, the Princess, a living Saint, was attacked by a trained elephant.

“None of the other members of my extensive Bonaparte clan will step forward to help me,” the terrified Princess told us @ the time of press. “I stand alone, single-handedly trying to restore monarchies, Portugal, Italy, Russia, Greece, Ethiopia, Brasil, none of them will lift a finger,” wept the Princess. Even the Turkish people want to return to life under the Eastern Empire, and no one could lead them better than I. But I will not be embittered by this experience. Someone had put something in this poor rabbits lettuce. Why Let Us Alone is my poem for all rabbits, and none of them would think of attacking me, unless under the influence of bad, bad, bad people–I think Sarah Palin is directly responsible, and intend to get to the bottom of this rancid barrel of rot!”-ranted the rattled Princess.

Fortunately, all of this was recorded by FBI Intelligence Officer, Gilbert Pickett, who prevented the near slaughter of the Princess. “It was almost like a ritual,” noted Mr Pickett.

"This giant rabbit, like the kind you see all over Germany, came out of nowhere & started for the kitchen knife.  I thought it was the end," reported Mr Pickett.

“This giant rabbit, like the kind you see all over Germany, came out of nowhere & started for the kitchen knife. I thought it was the end,” reported Mr Pickett.

"The only thing that saved me was my Prayers for Divine Intervention.  I prayed for liquid nitrogen, and I think Batkid must have dropped some though the opened window," explained the devout Princess.

“The only thing that saved me was my Prayers for Divine Intervention. I prayed for liquid nitrogen, and I think Batkid must have dropped some though the opened window,” explained the devout Princess.

It was observed that the rabbit seemed to have a great deal of familiarity with the set up of the apartment of the party host…this simply added layers of confusion to the matter, when conversation drifted to MURDER SHE WROTE…

"Not to worry, I have it all recorded on here," Intelligence Officer Gilbert Pickett reported.

“Not to worry, I have it all recorded on here,” Intelligence Officer Gilbert Pickett reported.