Some People Are Just So Picky!

There are people in the world who don’t want to share their most delicious food with anyone! It’s so discouraging. Those little tykes did not hurt her, not one bit! They were full of love & so innocent! Let us all go to a French bakery & pretend just like it was in the film, “I’ll have what she’s having.”

Maggots can be such sweet & lovely creatures. You can get them free with any croissant order. Now, if you don’t want all the extras that go with a croissant, and you wish France would restore their Monarchy, then order a sandwich. You don’t get anything extra in a sandwich, unless you pay more money for it. So, you will only get two slices of bread, and no maggots, and nothing else. If you want mayonnaise, that’s $5.00 extra, so is one tiny pickle slice. One paper-thin slice of meat will take a bank loan.
In San Francisco, we can’t even consider getting free maggots. If you asked for maggots on a sandwich, the person who takes your order, would be pressing one of those secret buttons under the counter, and an entire #SanFranciscoPoliceDepartment #SWATTeam would be on site within seconds. No, you can’t get free maggots in San Francisco. Everything costs extra!

YOU TUBE SHOWING SPECIAL GUEST STARS IN A WONDERFUL CROISSANT! THEY WERE FREE!

Now, didn’t that just make your mouth water & get things going for your preparation for Halloween 2014? Of course, it did. Don’t try to claim that you would take this back & make all kinds of silly complaints. You have not seen the extra thick milkshakes yet.

Unless this leads to a national outcry, and that 5th Republic goes away with all those annoying politicians, this would be a good time to Restore the French Monarchy. The slogan will be perfect for all those picky eaters: MONARCHY WITHOUT MAGGOTS!

There, how one You Tube can complete the French Revolution, and go back 360 degrees to the way it was always supposed to be!

Bon appetit

Bonaparte Passport Binge Bums Bureaucracy!

The function of a Passport is to create jobs for people who can’t work in the real world? Or is it to give permission to cross imaginary boarders legally, so that you can go to Constantinople & end up in jail there for doing what the locals do? You got me! But without a Passport, once I go to Constantinople (which is illegally called Istanbul), I can’t come back here.

Princess Melita Bonaparte explains that Passports were issued according to the Bible. I knew she’d say that. She claims to be kin to King Solomon. I looked it up in Wikipedia, and found out that what she said appears to be true. But she claims that Passports are now issued by Multiplex Cinemas & that’s how she got hers, by going to see films all the time & having them issue her a new Passport almost weekly. “I wanted to be able to go to every country in the world,” she said.

The Passport Office Staff were so fed up with the obvious (to them) document fraud, that one of them shot Princess Melita Bonaparte.  The passport office worker quit her job that very day, and is still on the lam.

The Passport Office Staff were so fed up with the obvious (to them) document fraud, that one of them shot Princess Melita Bonaparte The passport office worker quit her job that very day, and is still on the lam. [/caption
In English history, King Henry V issued the first Passport, and Princess Melita Bonaparte claims to have that in her possession, and uses this as proof that she SHOULD be the reigning Monarch of the United Kingdom. “I keep in touch will all world issues by reading People Magazine, the National Enquirer, and going to action films. This qualifies me to be far more suited to manage the country than any of those Bush people!” The Princess screamed this so loudly @ 3:00, that car alarms went off, and someone called the police. False Alarm.

[caption id="attachment_6126" align="aligncenter" width="460"]Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte actually thought that this #shareAMC #staycations was an authentic passport & went home, fiddled around, printed it, and tried to leave the country. Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, actually thought that this #shareAMC #staycations was an authentic passport & went home, fiddled around, printed it, and tried to leave the country.

She, of course, got caught…

What worked as a #Megamoviefan did not work as a form of legal identity.  #shareAMC tried to explain that they had no control of Princess Melita Bonaparte's affairs, foreign or domestic.

What worked as a #Megamoviefan did not work as a form of legal identity. #shareAMC tried to explain that they had no control of Princess Melita Bonaparte’s affairs, foreign or domestic.

The Imperial Princess really did think that she could have endless passports all over the world, due to her Imperial & Royal status.

Many will shake their heads with disbelief--but Princess Melita truly thought that #Maleficent was a country, same as #Transformers, #Godzilla.  For some reason, she did not have that level of confusion about #Spider-Man.  She thought he issued the Passport, and that it was a perfectly legal document.  Her response to being asked what was the reason she was making a trip to any given country, was to reply, "#staycation."

Many will shake their heads with disbelief–but Princess Melita truly thought that #Maleficent was a country, same as #Transformers, #Godzilla. For some reason, she did not have that level of confusion about #Spider-Man. She thought he issued the Passport, and that it was a perfectly legal document. Her response to being asked what was the reason she was making a trip to any given country, was to reply, “#staycation.”

The Bonaparte Princess got #staycation confused with the song made famous by singer #ConnieFrancis. We had to include a video, to show her the difference in spelling!

The Bonaparte Princess was so in love with #Spider-Man, that she thought she could get away with claiming that they were married.  It did not work, as Spider-Man ripped off her mask, to protect his legal rights from being compromised. It created much tension between France & USA.

The Bonaparte Princess was so deeply in love with #Spider-Man, that she thought she could get away with claiming that they were married. It did not work, as Spider-Man ripped off her mask, to protect his legal rights from being compromised. It created much tension between France & USA.

kookoko
kokok

After Spider-Man drew his line in the sand (or webbed her out of his life), Princess Melita Bonaparte turned to #Hercules for help.  By that time she was in a state of desperation, having violated all the #Anti-Hapsburg laws in #Austria.  She had no where to go.

After Spider-Man drew his line in the sand (or webbed her out of his life), Princess Melita Bonaparte turned to #Hercules for help. By that time she was in a state of desperation, having violated all the #Anti-Hapsburg laws in #Austria. She had no where else to go. No #ViennaSauges for the Princess.

koko
koko

Her last attempt @ Passport fraud was having her twin brother, Prince Roland Bonaparte II (better known as #CaptainSpaulding), pose for her. Her thinking was that no one would be able to tell the difference!  This attempt almost worked, airport security let her get through.  It was not till she got out the gin & had too  much, that she gave herself away!

Her last solo attempt @ Passport fraud was having her twin brother, Prince Roland Bonaparte II (better known as #CaptainSpaulding) pose for her. Her thinking was that no one would be able to tell the difference! This attempt almost worked, airport security let her get through. It was not till she got out the gin & had too much, that she gave herself away!

One of her other relatives (who prefers not to be identified, because he actually still has a Throne) got her a “Passport” that passed.

#Rumourhasit that the recent abdication of His Majesty, The King of Spain, was traced to his illegal effort to help his cousin Princess Melita Bonparte, obtain this illegal, but much more professional looking Passport.  We hope that she does not end up wearing an orange jump suit, unless it comes from the House of Versace.

#Rumourhasit that the recent abdication of His Majesty, The King of Spain, was traced to his illegal effort to help his cousin, Princess Melita Bonparte, obtain this illegal, but much more professional looking Passport. We hope that she does not end up wearing an orange jump suit, unless it comes from the House of Versace.

We were saddened to learn of the Abdication of His Majesty, King Juan Carlos of Spain. We were stunned to learn that it was because of his efforts to help his befuddled cousin gain access to Greece to help in the Restoration of their Monarchy.

Princess Melita Bonaparte Lap Dances Way To Infamy

Her Imperial Highness, not at all to our surprise, has sunk to a new low. She now adds #LAPDANCING to her resume, and is not in the least ashamed of it.

What good is Royalty anyway, if they, at the very least, can’t act “Royal?” The Bonaparte Princess of the Imperial line has the audacity to be ‘in negotiations’ with the government of Serbia, in an effort to ‘offer her services’ as their first #QueenRegnant.

In her spare time, she lap dances, shamelessly, upsetting the social order. The most recent Lap Dance caper was pulled just last night @ Fork Cafe, 469 Castro Street. She was supposed to be there to honour Julie Newmar, not to promote her own laughable & pathetic career. Here we have proof that she knocked food from the Laps of Patrons & gave them her unasked-for version of a Lap Dance. Now, we understand why Peaches Christ has refused to consider her for SHOWGIRLS. The resulting photograph shows how low a person can go when entering the VALLEY OF THE DOLLS. The poor guests who had expected to be there to meet & greet the stars of SIXTEEN CANDLES & JULIE NEWMAR, were subjected to filth from Princess Melita Bonaparte. Today, she is expected to reprise her silly role as “THE HOT COP OF THE CASTRO”–it’s always at the expense of someone else, she pulls her capers.

Unroyally employed as a NON-UNION #LAPDANCER, Princess Melita Bonaparte not only brings disgrace to the House of Bonaparte & all other Royal Families, but takes away job opportunities from those who have trained diligently with such renowned institutions such as the San Francisco Ballet for the few #Lapdance jobs that are left.  "I don't care, I deserve to have fun, " was all the Princess would say when asked by reporting staff to justify her undignified behaviour.

Unroyally employed as a NON-UNION #LAPDANCER, Princess Melita Bonaparte not only brings disgrace to the House of Bonaparte & all other Royal Families, but takes away job opportunities from those who have trained diligently with such renowned institutions such as the San Francisco Ballet for the few #Lapdance jobs that are left. “I don’t care, I deserve to have fun,” was all the Princess would say when asked by reporting staff to justify her undignified behaviour.

Princess Melita Bonaparte: The New Hot Cop of The Castro

The soon-to-be released motion picture about Officer Chris Kohr, The Hot Cop of the Castro will be played by Her Imperial Highness, Princess Melita Bonaparte. Princess Melita did a screen test today, and it went far beyond expectations. “Of course, I cannot divulge much information at this time, but I am so very excited to be offered the part…it was a joy that Paramount employees were not calling me asking about my car!” enthused the ebullient Princess.

When asked about playing the part of a man, she replied, “I am a natural, just like Marlene Dietrich was. Who else has the versatility to play so many interesting roles?”

At that, we let it rest. But she insisted, “I will at last get the Oscar for this part, I deserve it.”

So, to the world out there hungry for any celebrity news, this is the latest.

Princess Melita Bonaparte, of the Imperial Line, will play a San Francisco Police Officer–and the name of the film we asked. The Princess responded, “IN THE ORANGE LINE OF DUTY.” We think Lasse Hallström has agreed to direct. But we forgot to ask him. We hope that The Castro Theatre will premiere it for us.

Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte is ecstatic to be cast in the newest biopic soon-to-be released (as soon as they come up with a script & director) IN THE ORANGE LINE OF DUTY-about the trials of being officer Chris Kohr, and the transition from being unknown to becoming an international icon.  The part was tailor made for the Bonaparte Princess.

Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte is ecstatic to be cast in the newest biopic soon-to-be released (as soon as they come up with a script & director) IN THE ORANGE LINE OF DUTY-about the trials of being officer Chris Kohr, and the transition from being unknown to becoming an international icon. The part was tailor made for the Bonaparte Princess.

INVENTOR OF GOOGLE GLASSES PASSES CLASSES

The real inventor of google glasses is Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte. “I invent many things, and make up stuff as I go along. I can’t keep up with all my ideas, so I use my newest invention to take ideas from other people and call their ideas my ideas. It makes taking classes easier, and I get perfect scores on all my tests. It makes managing people easier. They do all of the work, I take credit when the work is good give free doses of Hell when the work is bad! I know that my Most Loyal Subjects like this. They are able to feel that they are part of the governing system. Plus they learn to play by my rules, which change constantly, so they never can be as smart as I am. I am always the smartest little girl in the room and I always have the last word. I am Royal over everybody and I plan to keep it that way. ”

The Princess explained the design process. “I had the lenses of the super glasses imported from The Netherlands, made by direct descendants of Antonie van Leeuwenhoek. That family always did what my family told them to do. This assured me of having the very best. I plan to take over the Dutch throne, but need time to resolve problems in Greece, Portugal, Egypt, Russia, and Italy, before going Dutch! With all this pressure, you can understand why I need to be able to tap into information at all times without appearing to be nosy. I am sort of my own James Bond film, just with fewer action scenes. I let doubles and body guards do all the scary stuff,” the Princess casually mentioned as of this writing. “People don’t want me to take needless risks. My subjects demand to be ruled with common sense. To that end, I must set high standards of safety. So, I can hardly be expected to do my own stunts.”
So, here they are: Goo-Goo Glasses. Sleekly designed so that no one will have a clue that there is a Royal spy in their midst. No place, public or private, will be able to escape detection. “It’s for their own safety. I am doing this for the people, to help them. It is for their own good,” huffed an indignant Melita. “How can anyone NOT like this perfect use of technology? It is for their protection. Everything I do is for the benefit of others.”

Princess Melita Bonaparte, fears that legal problems will get nasty as she continues to claim to be the inventor of google glasses.  I renamed them goo-goo glasses to keep it from being a nasty legal mess," she explained.

Princess Melita Bonaparte hopes to avoid legal problems as she continues to claim to be the inventor of google glasses. “I renamed them Goo-Goo Glasses to keep it from being a nasty, legal mess,” she explained.

Few Monarchs have invented themselves as well as new gadgets, the way Princess Melita Bonaparte has.  She remains constantly engaged in all forms of technology.

Few Monarchs have invented themselves as well as new gadgets, the way Princess Melita Bonaparte has. She remains constantly engaged in all forms of technology. She tells us that people will make passes at Royals in glasses.

If You Want To Be Cool–Be Ready To Die For It! Slit your own throat! Do it! Not if you are under 18.

I think Desi Arnaz was the one who came up with syndication. It’s a good idea, you can reuse & recycle. You can gain a sort of useless form of immortality. Why, if you come up with a terrific idea, your intellectual property can sort of rule the world.

That’s just what we did here. Be different. Put off quitting smoking. Put off buying a cell phone upgrade. Put off fixing a leaking roof.

Just put off everything, except the IRS. That idea would be really bad, expensive. You don’t want that.

So, get ready, take that first puff–do it slowly, and put it off as long as you can, before you slit your throat.

If you are under 18, ask parental permission to get fake blood, and make sure you clean up the floor after it’s over–THERE WILL BE FAKE BLOOD!

CLICK & DRAG THAT FIRST CIGARETTE THAT YOU WANTED TO DO WHEN IN 4th GRADE…

…BUT WERE AFRAID YOU’D GET IN TROUBLE IN SCHOOL FOR SLITTING YOUR OWN THROAT!

Orthodox Rite Installs Princess Melita Bonaparte as Queen Regnant of Alaska & North Pole

Orthodox Metropolitan, Santa Claus, installs Princess Melita Bonaparte Queen of Alaska & North Pole-22 December 2013

Orthodox Metropolitan, Santa Claus, installs Princess Melita Bonaparte Queen of Alaska & North Pole-22 December 2013

The governance duties willfully & capriciously abandoned by Sarah Palin have now been graciously bestowed upon Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, by the Orthodox Living Saint & Bishop of All The Northern-most Regions, The Metropolitan, Saint Nicholas, more popularly known further south as Santa Claus.

Word from most known American press sources say that Arizona Senator John McCain, breathed a sigh of relief upon receipt of this news. Others seem to recall him whispering, “Finally, something good had to come of all this sh*t. We may not ordinarily endorse any form of Royalty, but even a retired tilt-a-whirl operator would be a step in the right direction. Melita Bonaparte has my full support & sympathies, if she needs them.”

The historic & symbolic clasping of hands between the Imperial Princess with the Living Legend, Santa Claus, is an Apostolic Ritual, with its earliest recorded origins believed to have been when Cleopatra attempted to pull Marc Antony from her barge in order to escape from Emperor Augustus. Melita Bonaparte claims to be a direct descendent from the last of the Ptolemaic dynasty.

As of today, 22 December 2013–the change of title & regalia will permit the Imperial Princess to be addressed as Her Imperial Majesty in the former State of Alaska, including the North Pole. Her official duties will begin Midnight 1 January 2014. According to sources close to the newly crowned Queen of Alaska, she plans to use her influence to find peaceful means of complete restoration of the Greek Monarchy. “We should rather have the Greek nation have its own Monarchy, I will not be able to manage Alaska & Greece at the same time.”

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