Princess Melita Bonaparte was so heart broken last year that she was unable to write a note. You see, she did not get the part of Edith Beale, Jr. in RETURN TO GREY GARDENS. So, she got even. She learned how to shoot poison darts, got the neck of the person who did get the part, and jumped into costume, and did the entire thing, and pushed her back on stage when it came time for the applause. “I am an anesthesiologist by training, and know to the second, how long my competition (not that I really have any) will be out. I have done this to Kathleen Turner, when I wanted to play Who’s Afraid Of Virgina Woolf, several years ago. She never knew the difference. Snapped right out of it, commenting on how fast the time seemed to have flown, and I got to do my part. She never figured out the tiny bruise on the side of her neck.”
So that’s how Princess Melita Bonaparte gets to take over leading roles & keep her name off eye-level Safeway magazines! Her secret is out. We asked her if Lindsay Lohan is safe? “Oh, I wouldn’t touch her! You see, she is utterly without peer, besides that, there could be interaction with all the other stuff she might have going on, and I would hate to think I caused zombieism. You see, even with my skill level, I need to know exactly what other medicines might be interacting with my own special recipe. I can’t take that chance with her. And now, she is suing GRAND THEFT AUTO for using what she says is her image without her permission! Why, I wouldn’t dare attempt this with Lindsay Lohan. I could lose my reputation.”
Edith Bouvier Beale, Jr–Does Her American Flag Dance–Direct From Grey Gardens! 1975!
Grey Gardens Costuming as Re-enacted by Drew Barrymore