Bonaparte Passport Binge Bums Bureaucracy!

The function of a Passport is to create jobs for people who can’t work in the real world? Or is it to give permission to cross imaginary boarders legally, so that you can go to Constantinople & end up in jail there for doing what the locals do? You got me! But without a Passport, once I go to Constantinople (which is illegally called Istanbul), I can’t come back here.

Princess Melita Bonaparte explains that Passports were issued according to the Bible. I knew she’d say that. She claims to be kin to King Solomon. I looked it up in Wikipedia, and found out that what she said appears to be true. But she claims that Passports are now issued by Multiplex Cinemas & that’s how she got hers, by going to see films all the time & having them issue her a new Passport almost weekly. “I wanted to be able to go to every country in the world,” she said.

The Passport Office Staff were so fed up with the obvious (to them) document fraud, that one of them shot Princess Melita Bonaparte.  The passport office worker quit her job that very day, and is still on the lam.

The Passport Office Staff were so fed up with the obvious (to them) document fraud, that one of them shot Princess Melita Bonaparte The passport office worker quit her job that very day, and is still on the lam. [/caption
In English history, King Henry V issued the first Passport, and Princess Melita Bonaparte claims to have that in her possession, and uses this as proof that she SHOULD be the reigning Monarch of the United Kingdom. “I keep in touch will all world issues by reading People Magazine, the National Enquirer, and going to action films. This qualifies me to be far more suited to manage the country than any of those Bush people!” The Princess screamed this so loudly @ 3:00, that car alarms went off, and someone called the police. False Alarm.

[caption id="attachment_6126" align="aligncenter" width="460"]Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte actually thought that this #shareAMC #staycations was an authentic passport & went home, fiddled around, printed it, and tried to leave the country. Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, actually thought that this #shareAMC #staycations was an authentic passport & went home, fiddled around, printed it, and tried to leave the country.

She, of course, got caught…

What worked as a #Megamoviefan did not work as a form of legal identity.  #shareAMC tried to explain that they had no control of Princess Melita Bonaparte's affairs, foreign or domestic.

What worked as a #Megamoviefan did not work as a form of legal identity. #shareAMC tried to explain that they had no control of Princess Melita Bonaparte’s affairs, foreign or domestic.

The Imperial Princess really did think that she could have endless passports all over the world, due to her Imperial & Royal status.

Many will shake their heads with disbelief--but Princess Melita truly thought that #Maleficent was a country, same as #Transformers, #Godzilla.  For some reason, she did not have that level of confusion about #Spider-Man.  She thought he issued the Passport, and that it was a perfectly legal document.  Her response to being asked what was the reason she was making a trip to any given country, was to reply, "#staycation."

Many will shake their heads with disbelief–but Princess Melita truly thought that #Maleficent was a country, same as #Transformers, #Godzilla. For some reason, she did not have that level of confusion about #Spider-Man. She thought he issued the Passport, and that it was a perfectly legal document. Her response to being asked what was the reason she was making a trip to any given country, was to reply, “#staycation.”

The Bonaparte Princess got #staycation confused with the song made famous by singer #ConnieFrancis. We had to include a video, to show her the difference in spelling!

The Bonaparte Princess was so in love with #Spider-Man, that she thought she could get away with claiming that they were married.  It did not work, as Spider-Man ripped off her mask, to protect his legal rights from being compromised. It created much tension between France & USA.

The Bonaparte Princess was so deeply in love with #Spider-Man, that she thought she could get away with claiming that they were married. It did not work, as Spider-Man ripped off her mask, to protect his legal rights from being compromised. It created much tension between France & USA.

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After Spider-Man drew his line in the sand (or webbed her out of his life), Princess Melita Bonaparte turned to #Hercules for help.  By that time she was in a state of desperation, having violated all the #Anti-Hapsburg laws in #Austria.  She had no where to go.

After Spider-Man drew his line in the sand (or webbed her out of his life), Princess Melita Bonaparte turned to #Hercules for help. By that time she was in a state of desperation, having violated all the #Anti-Hapsburg laws in #Austria. She had no where else to go. No #ViennaSauges for the Princess.

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Her last attempt @ Passport fraud was having her twin brother, Prince Roland Bonaparte II (better known as #CaptainSpaulding), pose for her. Her thinking was that no one would be able to tell the difference!  This attempt almost worked, airport security let her get through.  It was not till she got out the gin & had too  much, that she gave herself away!

Her last solo attempt @ Passport fraud was having her twin brother, Prince Roland Bonaparte II (better known as #CaptainSpaulding) pose for her. Her thinking was that no one would be able to tell the difference! This attempt almost worked, airport security let her get through. It was not till she got out the gin & had too much, that she gave herself away!

One of her other relatives (who prefers not to be identified, because he actually still has a Throne) got her a “Passport” that passed.

#Rumourhasit that the recent abdication of His Majesty, The King of Spain, was traced to his illegal effort to help his cousin Princess Melita Bonparte, obtain this illegal, but much more professional looking Passport.  We hope that she does not end up wearing an orange jump suit, unless it comes from the House of Versace.

#Rumourhasit that the recent abdication of His Majesty, The King of Spain, was traced to his illegal effort to help his cousin, Princess Melita Bonparte, obtain this illegal, but much more professional looking Passport. We hope that she does not end up wearing an orange jump suit, unless it comes from the House of Versace.

We were saddened to learn of the Abdication of His Majesty, King Juan Carlos of Spain. We were stunned to learn that it was because of his efforts to help his befuddled cousin gain access to Greece to help in the Restoration of their Monarchy.

Princess Melita Bonaparte Volunteers to Take CEO Position @ ORACLE

I HAVE NO QUALIFICATIONS FOR THIS JOB, OTHER THAN MY UNPARALELLED BEAUTY & TRANQUILITY OF SPIRIT. I WOULD SAVE THE SERBIAN PEOPLE MONEY, AS THEY WOULD NEED TO CHOSE ANOTHER QUEEN REGNANT, BUT THE MONEY I EARN AS CEO OF ORACLE WOULD GO TOWARDS THE RESTORATION OF THE GREEK, PORTUGUESE, AND ROUMANIAN MONARCHY.

IF THE PEOPLE OF SCOTLAND WANT INDEPENDENCE IT MUST BE WITH THE FOLLOWING CONDITION: I, HER IMPERIAL & APOSTOLIC HIGHNESS, PRINCESS MELITA BONAPARTE, WILL BECOME THEIR MOST CATHOLIC MAJESTY & WITH THAT SECURELY IN PLACE, EDINBURGH WILL BECOME THE RICHEST CITY IN THE WORLD. THE COMBINATION WILL BE UNMATCHED IN THE HISTORY OF MONARCHY, BUSINESS, POLITICS AND BEAUTIFUL JEWELRY
.

“WE CAN EXPORT THE POLITICS, BUT MY BASIC PLAN IS TO KEEP ALL OF THE MONEY & WEAR THE CROWN JEWELS TO BREAKFAST.”–Princess Melita Bonaparte

Her Imperial & Apostolic Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, posed before the post mortem (some question good taste & authenticity, but the Princess claims this is a True Fact & cannot be denied or questioned) before the head of her beloved ancestor, Mary Queen of Scots. "I cannot just sit by & watch my beloved Scotland lose their identity & turn into a another frozen-yogurt, banana republic, without at least trying to show them a a better way of life, pleaded the Princess.

Her Imperial & Apostolic Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, posed before the post mortem (some question good taste & authenticity, but the Princess claims this is a True Fact & cannot be denied or questioned) head of her beloved ancestor, Mary Queen of Scots. “I cannot just sit by & watch my beloved Scotland lose her national identity & turn into a another frozen-yogurt, banana republic, without at least trying to show them a a better way of life, and teach them customer service skills,” pleaded the Princess.

Princess Melita Bonaparte Sees A Film & Learns How To Work For A Living!

2014 has been the year for wonderfully done, high-end production action films, Maleficent, Captain America, The Amazing Spiderman 2, and Guardians of the Galaxy, are just a few that come to mind. We have been challenged by magnum opi of future dystopian
calamities: #SnowPiercer, ThePurge, and #Divurgent headed the list.

With THE HUNDRED-FOOT JOURNEY, we have a film that deals with high end cooking, that has not an echo of Julia Child, but more of a call for humanity coming together & dropping the increasingly archaic notion that tribal association is more important than being humane. Helen Mirran, who has ruled in films as Queen Elizabeth II, operates an an Absolute Monarch, unyielding to a point of being a food terrorist. Then, something happens as she reflects upon the harm that her actions have had upon others, and she rediscovers the most important concept of any government by entitlement: noblesse oblige. Her recovery of that nearly lost concept brings about her Redemption & the rest all falls into place. Their could be no Queen without a court, and that court was superbly played by Om Puri, Manish Dayal, and Charlette Le Bon. Two striking different cultures find that they may, indeed, break bread together–and it’s not #WonderBread, but bread of wonder that makes them all see their place in the world a bit differently.

This is the simple story of how we eat makes us who we are--not on a nutritional level, the cultural & ritual that have been bestowed on us by centuries of our own history.  Lasse Hallström has, to extend the metaphor, put the right ingredients into the recipe for this film, making it one of the more delightful departures from a plethora of well-done action films.  See this, and eat well!

This is the simple story of how we eat makes us who we are–not just on a nutritional level, but it also embraces the cultural & ritualistic traditions that have been bestowed on us by centuries of our own agricultural & animal-hunting/food gathering history. Lasse Hallström has, to extend the metaphor, put the right ingredients into the recipe for this film, making it one of the more delightful departures from a plethora of well-done action films for 2014. See this, and eat well!


YOU TUBE TRAILER OF THE HUNDRED-FOOT JOURNEY–SO CLOSE, BUT SO FAR AWAY FROM EACH OTHER

Of course, Her Imperial Highness was inspired to become an instant expert in all manner of cuisine upon watching this fine film.

Of course, being a perfectionist in all things, Princess Melita Bonaparte immediately went through a total immersion process (sort of like the Baptists, but more so) in learning about which wine to serve to which whiner.  This is a skill that is a religious experience. She took her cooking classes & will be the first Queen of Serbia to be a sou chef.

Being a perfectionist in all things, Princess Melita Bonaparte immediately went through a total immersion process (sort of like the Baptists, but more so) in learning about which wine to serve to which whiner. This is a skill that is a religious experience, it is more a way of life, like being BORN AGAIN. She took her cooking classes & will be the first Queen of Serbia to be a sou chef.

You must realise that it takes more than just cooking school to make a sou chef! If you don’t understand this, then you must go back & watch the film many, many more times. Buying just the right produce is just as important as how you cook what Mother Earth brings forth.

Growing up in the splendour of palaces was ''just another challenge for me, " according to #PrincessMelitaBonaparte.  As the #MostBeautifulWomanintheWorld, she considered it her duty to learn how to buy just the right food to serve to her people.  "You are what you eat, " The Princess intoned.

Growing up in the splendour of palaces was ”just another challenge for me, ” according to #PrincessMelitaBonaparte. As the #MostBeautifulWomanintheWorld, she considered it her duty to learn how to buy just the right food to serve to her people. “You are what you eat, ” The Princess intoned.

"I refused any special treatment because of my rank," explained the Princess.  "I was not entitled to wear the cap of Sou Chef until I had proven worthy of it.  Now, it has the same value for my as my inherited tiaras from so many of my Loyal Peoples.  I will now be able to serve them well on many levels."

“I refused any special treatment because of my rank,” explained the Princess. “I was not entitled to wear the cap of Sou Chef until I had proven worthy of it. Now, it has the same value for me as my as my inherited tiaras from so many of my Loyal Peoples. I will now be able to serve them well on many levels.”

Princess Melita Bonaparte Lap Dances Way To Infamy

Her Imperial Highness, not at all to our surprise, has sunk to a new low. She now adds #LAPDANCING to her resume, and is not in the least ashamed of it.

What good is Royalty anyway, if they, at the very least, can’t act “Royal?” The Bonaparte Princess of the Imperial line has the audacity to be ‘in negotiations’ with the government of Serbia, in an effort to ‘offer her services’ as their first #QueenRegnant.

In her spare time, she lap dances, shamelessly, upsetting the social order. The most recent Lap Dance caper was pulled just last night @ Fork Cafe, 469 Castro Street. She was supposed to be there to honour Julie Newmar, not to promote her own laughable & pathetic career. Here we have proof that she knocked food from the Laps of Patrons & gave them her unasked-for version of a Lap Dance. Now, we understand why Peaches Christ has refused to consider her for SHOWGIRLS. The resulting photograph shows how low a person can go when entering the VALLEY OF THE DOLLS. The poor guests who had expected to be there to meet & greet the stars of SIXTEEN CANDLES & JULIE NEWMAR, were subjected to filth from Princess Melita Bonaparte. Today, she is expected to reprise her silly role as “THE HOT COP OF THE CASTRO”–it’s always at the expense of someone else, she pulls her capers.

Unroyally employed as a NON-UNION #LAPDANCER, Princess Melita Bonaparte not only brings disgrace to the House of Bonaparte & all other Royal Families, but takes away job opportunities from those who have trained diligently with such renowned institutions such as the San Francisco Ballet for the few #Lapdance jobs that are left.  "I don't care, I deserve to have fun, " was all the Princess would say when asked by reporting staff to justify her undignified behaviour.

Unroyally employed as a NON-UNION #LAPDANCER, Princess Melita Bonaparte not only brings disgrace to the House of Bonaparte & all other Royal Families, but takes away job opportunities from those who have trained diligently with such renowned institutions such as the San Francisco Ballet for the few #Lapdance jobs that are left. “I don’t care, I deserve to have fun,” was all the Princess would say when asked by reporting staff to justify her undignified behaviour.

Princess Melita Bonaparte: The New Hot Cop of The Castro

The soon-to-be released motion picture about Officer Chris Kohr, The Hot Cop of the Castro will be played by Her Imperial Highness, Princess Melita Bonaparte. Princess Melita did a screen test today, and it went far beyond expectations. “Of course, I cannot divulge much information at this time, but I am so very excited to be offered the part…it was a joy that Paramount employees were not calling me asking about my car!” enthused the ebullient Princess.

When asked about playing the part of a man, she replied, “I am a natural, just like Marlene Dietrich was. Who else has the versatility to play so many interesting roles?”

At that, we let it rest. But she insisted, “I will at last get the Oscar for this part, I deserve it.”

So, to the world out there hungry for any celebrity news, this is the latest.

Princess Melita Bonaparte, of the Imperial Line, will play a San Francisco Police Officer–and the name of the film we asked. The Princess responded, “IN THE ORANGE LINE OF DUTY.” We think Lasse Hallström has agreed to direct. But we forgot to ask him. We hope that The Castro Theatre will premiere it for us.

Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte is ecstatic to be cast in the newest biopic soon-to-be released (as soon as they come up with a script & director) IN THE ORANGE LINE OF DUTY-about the trials of being officer Chris Kohr, and the transition from being unknown to becoming an international icon.  The part was tailor made for the Bonaparte Princess.

Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte is ecstatic to be cast in the newest biopic soon-to-be released (as soon as they come up with a script & director) IN THE ORANGE LINE OF DUTY-about the trials of being officer Chris Kohr, and the transition from being unknown to becoming an international icon. The part was tailor made for the Bonaparte Princess.

Melita Fashionista: How An Imperial Princess Puts A Face On Fashion!

Her Imperial Highness is no dummy when it comes to fashion, understanding that individual style is much more important than keeping up with the latest runway collection. But there is a blandness about models & manniquins that the Princess finds very upsetting.

“It hurts to see that our uniqueness as people is not given the credit it needs. So, I decided to put a face on fashion, mine!” Thus, it is that Princess Melita Bonaparte, the Most Beautiful Woman in the World, has now entered the world of haute couture simply by being a model herself, not charging a thing for her services.

“I just want people everywhere to know that they can be somebody, and how better to express this concept than by being a model for various clothing lines? It is a wonderful project that I hope will bring joy to millions who don’t know how to become computer programmers. Just be beautiful and let others take your photograph! It’s harder work than you may think,” declares the Princess.

The charm of song lyrics about San Francisco appeal to the Princess, & she readily agreed to participate in this project.

The charm of song lyrics about San Francisco appealed to the Princess, & she readily agreed to participate in this project. “I particularly enjoyed the use of calligraphy as part of the design,” explained the Most Beautiful Woman in the World, PRINCESS MELITA BONAPARTE.

"Retaining my connection to the Emperor Napoleon & our Bonaparte heritage, gets me all excited," the Princess breathed heavily to us whilst being interviewed.  Her Imperial Highness is the Mistress of Multi-Task, being photographed & interviewed @ the same time!

“Retaining my connection to the Emperor Napoleon & our Bonaparte heritage, gets me all excited,” the Princess breathed heavily to us whilst being interviewed. Her Imperial Highness is the Mistress of Multi-Task, being photographed & interviewed simultaneously!

"I felt so very lucky to have the best hair dresser & photographer possible.  It was important to me to have the highest production values possible. I wanted a different look for each set of garments," Her Imperial Highness told us.

“I felt so very lucky to have the best hair dresser & photographer possible. It was important to me to have the highest production values possible. I wanted a different look for each set of garments,” Her Imperial Highness told us.

"It was all new to me," explained the Princess.   "I must admit, by the end of the day, I was exhausted.  Being a perfectionist, I had thousands of 'takes' before carefully choosing the right one.  I lost so much weight. I think I got down to 93 pounds & still felt fat."   Here the Princess in seen with a Belgian lace veil, an accessory she insisted was in keeping with her Mediterranean heritage.

“It was all new to me,” explained the Princess.
“I must admit, by the end of the day, I was exhausted. Being a perfectionist, I had thousands of ‘takes’ before carefully choosing the right one. I lost so much weight. I think I got down to 93 pounds & still felt fat.” Here the Princess in seen with a Belgian lace veil, an accessory she insisted was in keeping with her Mediterranean heritage.

“My hope in doing this was to help raise awareness of the need to Restore the Greek Monarchy. I want to help pave the way for their return to their rightful place in Greek history & culture. They should not be relegated to antiquity.”Princess Melita Bonaparte: THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMAN IN THE WORLD.

The True Fact: Princess Melita Bonaparte is ABOVE Such Problems

Common people have stink problems & Her Imperial Highness does see the need for government assistance, and has appealed to all Royal Houses of Europe, Africa, Asia, and Greenland to help those who stink.

“I know nothing of such matters, myself, but feel obligated to help those who do,” the Imperial Princess told us at press time.

“This might be the key to world peace, and I am willing to give it a try. Thus far, all other efforts have stank, and I think there ought to be a better way of doing business.” With that, we have now heard from Princess Melita Bonaparte.

Always ahead of the Game of Thrones, sound advise about smelly politics from one who is above such matters--Princess Melita Bonaparte, The Most Beautiful Woman in the World.

Always ahead of the Game of Thrones, sound advise about smelly politics from one who is above such matters–Princess Melita Bonaparte, The Most Beautiful Woman in the World.

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