Spider-Man Does An “About Face” To Stalking Princess Melita Bonaparte

Her Imperial Highness fell in love with Spider-Man this summer, despite being married to the Burger King. Priests & psychiatrists & paranormal experts have all tried to warn her to avoid a web of her undoing, pleading with her that Spider-Man is a #Marvel comic character that has been turned into a film franchise, but the stubborn Bonaparte Princess will not listen to reason. The Princess told us, “If I wear just the right mask, Spider-Man will fall in love with me, he will want no other. He will think I am a Spider, just like he is.”

The whole problem started when she saw THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2 @ #AMC—This peek will show you how it all started…#shareAMC

YOU TUBE OF OFFICIAL TRAILER: THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2

The Most Beautiful Woman in the World, is convinced that she is worthless, unless she can be turned into a Spider.   "I will become a Spider through Force of Will, " the Princess has proclaimed. We tried to tell her that it takes an egg to become a Spider, not a mask.  We fear that the people of Serbia will not take her seriously as their Queen Regnant, if she does not stop this troublesome charade.

The Most Beautiful Woman in the World, is convinced that she is worthless, unless she can be turned into a Spider. “I will become a Spider through Force of Will, ” the Princess has proclaimed. We tried to tell her that it takes an egg to become a Spider, not a mask. We fear that the people of Serbia will not take her seriously as their Queen Regnant, if she does not stop this troublesome charade.

It seems that Princess Melita Bonaparte has mixed reality with fiction.  She is prepared for a career in politics, but not for marriage.  Her thinking is that she will fool the Amazing Spiderman into thinking she is of the same species & that they may make lots of spiders together.  We fear that she has been bitten by the love bug & will end as a black widow if she does not come to her senses.

It seems that Princess Melita Bonaparte has mixed reality with fiction. She is prepared for a career in politics, but not for marriage. Her thinking is that she will fool the Amazing Spider-Man into thinking she is of the same species & that they may make lots of spiders together. We fear that she has been bitten by the love bug & will end as a black widow if she does not come to her senses.

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Princess Melita Bonaparte was enchanted by spiders as a small child, an obsession that she never quite outgrew.

Princess Melita Bonaparte was enchanted by spiders as a small child, an obsession that she never quite outgrew.

The Princess has become so keen on Spider-Man, that she carries symbols of him everywhere she happens to be.

"I cannot bear to let him out of my sight. I have eyes only for Spider-Man."--Princess Melita Bonaparte

“I cannot bear to let him out of my sight. I have eyes only for Spider-Man.”–Princess Melita Bonaparte

Her Imperial Highness remains utterly convinced that the #AMC amazing give-away card was, in reality, Spider-Man using a Sign Language Short Cut that meant that she must wait for him to appear in her life @ just the right moment.

The photograph that caused an Empire to fall out of the reach of the most qualified Monarch in the world.  Princess Melita Bonaparte became utterly devoted to Spider-Man.

The photograph that almost caused an Empire to fall out of the reach of the most qualified Monarch in the world. Princess Melita Bonaparte became utterly devoted to Spider-Man. “I hope some day, The Princess will understand that what I did, by unmasking her, was for for her own good.”–Spider-Man

Even when rational thinking seems to be returning to the Imperial Princess, Spider-Man will appear “When I least expect him, when I have even ceased to think about him, I keep seeing him! I don’t know what to do!” wailed the Princess.

"At first I thought it was possible that this was all in my mind," the Princess admitted, in a rare interview.  "But I step outside the Palace walls, and what do I see?  It is making me crazy!"

“At first I thought it was possible that this was all in my mind,” the Princess admitted, in a rare interview. “But I step outside the Palace walls, and what do I see? It is making me crazy!”

In the final analysis, Spider-Man, non-too-gently literally saw through the machinations of the Imperial Princess, and yanked her mask off, putting an end to her frustrating efforts of constantly trying to claim the climbing web designer, as her very own true love. “I live like a hermit, and am willing to serve in any capacity that Her Imperial Highness needs, but not on a personal level. I place her on a pedistal, and there, she must remain. She can only make a marriage of State with a Royal of equal rank,” tearfully added Spider-Man, “I wish things could be different, but she is not a Spider, no matter how many times she comes to #AMC.”

Sadly, but with no ambiguity, Spider-Man put a stop to Princess Melita Bonaparte's obsession with wanting to become a Spider.  "She must become the Empress of the 21st Century, and I will do all I can to help her in attaining that goal.  But she must find a descendant from Charlemagne & Empress Eudoxia for marriage," explained Spider-Man.

Sadly, but with no ambiguity, Spider-Man put a stop to Princess Melita Bonaparte’s obsession with wanting to become a Spider. “She must become the Empress of the 21st Century, and I will do all I can to help her in attaining that goal. But she must find a descendant of #Charlemagne & Empress #Eudoxia for marriage,” explained Spider-Man.

Princess Melita Bonaparte Volunteers to Take CEO Position @ ORACLE

I HAVE NO QUALIFICATIONS FOR THIS JOB, OTHER THAN MY UNPARALELLED BEAUTY & TRANQUILITY OF SPIRIT. I WOULD SAVE THE SERBIAN PEOPLE MONEY, AS THEY WOULD NEED TO CHOSE ANOTHER QUEEN REGNANT, BUT THE MONEY I EARN AS CEO OF ORACLE WOULD GO TOWARDS THE RESTORATION OF THE GREEK, PORTUGUESE, AND ROUMANIAN MONARCHY.

IF THE PEOPLE OF SCOTLAND WANT INDEPENDENCE IT MUST BE WITH THE FOLLOWING CONDITION: I, HER IMPERIAL & APOSTOLIC HIGHNESS, PRINCESS MELITA BONAPARTE, WILL BECOME THEIR MOST CATHOLIC MAJESTY & WITH THAT SECURELY IN PLACE, EDINBURGH WILL BECOME THE RICHEST CITY IN THE WORLD. THE COMBINATION WILL BE UNMATCHED IN THE HISTORY OF MONARCHY, BUSINESS, POLITICS AND BEAUTIFUL JEWELRY
.

“WE CAN EXPORT THE POLITICS, BUT MY BASIC PLAN IS TO KEEP ALL OF THE MONEY & WEAR THE CROWN JEWELS TO BREAKFAST.”–Princess Melita Bonaparte

Her Imperial & Apostolic Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, posed before the post mortem (some question good taste & authenticity, but the Princess claims this is a True Fact & cannot be denied or questioned) before the head of her beloved ancestor, Mary Queen of Scots. "I cannot just sit by & watch my beloved Scotland lose their identity & turn into a another frozen-yogurt, banana republic, without at least trying to show them a a better way of life, pleaded the Princess.

Her Imperial & Apostolic Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte, posed before the post mortem (some question good taste & authenticity, but the Princess claims this is a True Fact & cannot be denied or questioned) head of her beloved ancestor, Mary Queen of Scots. “I cannot just sit by & watch my beloved Scotland lose her national identity & turn into a another frozen-yogurt, banana republic, without at least trying to show them a a better way of life, and teach them customer service skills,” pleaded the Princess.

Princess Melita Bonaparte Sees A Film & Learns How To Work For A Living!

2014 has been the year for wonderfully done, high-end production action films, Maleficent, Captain America, The Amazing Spiderman 2, and Guardians of the Galaxy, are just a few that come to mind. We have been challenged by magnum opi of future dystopian
calamities: #SnowPiercer, ThePurge, and #Divurgent headed the list.

With THE HUNDRED-FOOT JOURNEY, we have a film that deals with high end cooking, that has not an echo of Julia Child, but more of a call for humanity coming together & dropping the increasingly archaic notion that tribal association is more important than being humane. Helen Mirran, who has ruled in films as Queen Elizabeth II, operates an an Absolute Monarch, unyielding to a point of being a food terrorist. Then, something happens as she reflects upon the harm that her actions have had upon others, and she rediscovers the most important concept of any government by entitlement: noblesse oblige. Her recovery of that nearly lost concept brings about her Redemption & the rest all falls into place. Their could be no Queen without a court, and that court was superbly played by Om Puri, Manish Dayal, and Charlette Le Bon. Two striking different cultures find that they may, indeed, break bread together–and it’s not #WonderBread, but bread of wonder that makes them all see their place in the world a bit differently.

This is the simple story of how we eat makes us who we are--not on a nutritional level, the cultural & ritual that have been bestowed on us by centuries of our own history.  Lasse Hallström has, to extend the metaphor, put the right ingredients into the recipe for this film, making it one of the more delightful departures from a plethora of well-done action films.  See this, and eat well!

This is the simple story of how we eat makes us who we are–not just on a nutritional level, but it also embraces the cultural & ritualistic traditions that have been bestowed on us by centuries of our own agricultural & animal-hunting/food gathering history. Lasse Hallström has, to extend the metaphor, put the right ingredients into the recipe for this film, making it one of the more delightful departures from a plethora of well-done action films for 2014. See this, and eat well!


YOU TUBE TRAILER OF THE HUNDRED-FOOT JOURNEY–SO CLOSE, BUT SO FAR AWAY FROM EACH OTHER

Of course, Her Imperial Highness was inspired to become an instant expert in all manner of cuisine upon watching this fine film.

Of course, being a perfectionist in all things, Princess Melita Bonaparte immediately went through a total immersion process (sort of like the Baptists, but more so) in learning about which wine to serve to which whiner.  This is a skill that is a religious experience. She took her cooking classes & will be the first Queen of Serbia to be a sou chef.

Being a perfectionist in all things, Princess Melita Bonaparte immediately went through a total immersion process (sort of like the Baptists, but more so) in learning about which wine to serve to which whiner. This is a skill that is a religious experience, it is more a way of life, like being BORN AGAIN. She took her cooking classes & will be the first Queen of Serbia to be a sou chef.

You must realise that it takes more than just cooking school to make a sou chef! If you don’t understand this, then you must go back & watch the film many, many more times. Buying just the right produce is just as important as how you cook what Mother Earth brings forth.

Growing up in the splendour of palaces was ''just another challenge for me, " according to #PrincessMelitaBonaparte.  As the #MostBeautifulWomanintheWorld, she considered it her duty to learn how to buy just the right food to serve to her people.  "You are what you eat, " The Princess intoned.

Growing up in the splendour of palaces was ”just another challenge for me, ” according to #PrincessMelitaBonaparte. As the #MostBeautifulWomanintheWorld, she considered it her duty to learn how to buy just the right food to serve to her people. “You are what you eat, ” The Princess intoned.

"I refused any special treatment because of my rank," explained the Princess.  "I was not entitled to wear the cap of Sou Chef until I had proven worthy of it.  Now, it has the same value for my as my inherited tiaras from so many of my Loyal Peoples.  I will now be able to serve them well on many levels."

“I refused any special treatment because of my rank,” explained the Princess. “I was not entitled to wear the cap of Sou Chef until I had proven worthy of it. Now, it has the same value for me as my as my inherited tiaras from so many of my Loyal Peoples. I will now be able to serve them well on many levels.”

Princess Melita Bonaparte Lap Dances Way To Infamy

Her Imperial Highness, not at all to our surprise, has sunk to a new low. She now adds #LAPDANCING to her resume, and is not in the least ashamed of it.

What good is Royalty anyway, if they, at the very least, can’t act “Royal?” The Bonaparte Princess of the Imperial line has the audacity to be ‘in negotiations’ with the government of Serbia, in an effort to ‘offer her services’ as their first #QueenRegnant.

In her spare time, she lap dances, shamelessly, upsetting the social order. The most recent Lap Dance caper was pulled just last night @ Fork Cafe, 469 Castro Street. She was supposed to be there to honour Julie Newmar, not to promote her own laughable & pathetic career. Here we have proof that she knocked food from the Laps of Patrons & gave them her unasked-for version of a Lap Dance. Now, we understand why Peaches Christ has refused to consider her for SHOWGIRLS. The resulting photograph shows how low a person can go when entering the VALLEY OF THE DOLLS. The poor guests who had expected to be there to meet & greet the stars of SIXTEEN CANDLES & JULIE NEWMAR, were subjected to filth from Princess Melita Bonaparte. Today, she is expected to reprise her silly role as “THE HOT COP OF THE CASTRO”–it’s always at the expense of someone else, she pulls her capers.

Unroyally employed as a NON-UNION #LAPDANCER, Princess Melita Bonaparte not only brings disgrace to the House of Bonaparte & all other Royal Families, but takes away job opportunities from those who have trained diligently with such renowned institutions such as the San Francisco Ballet for the few #Lapdance jobs that are left.  "I don't care, I deserve to have fun, " was all the Princess would say when asked by reporting staff to justify her undignified behaviour.

Unroyally employed as a NON-UNION #LAPDANCER, Princess Melita Bonaparte not only brings disgrace to the House of Bonaparte & all other Royal Families, but takes away job opportunities from those who have trained diligently with such renowned institutions such as the San Francisco Ballet for the few #Lapdance jobs that are left. “I don’t care, I deserve to have fun,” was all the Princess would say when asked by reporting staff to justify her undignified behaviour.

Princess Melita Bonaparte: The New Hot Cop of The Castro

The soon-to-be released motion picture about Officer Chris Kohr, The Hot Cop of the Castro will be played by Her Imperial Highness, Princess Melita Bonaparte. Princess Melita did a screen test today, and it went far beyond expectations. “Of course, I cannot divulge much information at this time, but I am so very excited to be offered the part…it was a joy that Paramount employees were not calling me asking about my car!” enthused the ebullient Princess.

When asked about playing the part of a man, she replied, “I am a natural, just like Marlene Dietrich was. Who else has the versatility to play so many interesting roles?”

At that, we let it rest. But she insisted, “I will at last get the Oscar for this part, I deserve it.”

So, to the world out there hungry for any celebrity news, this is the latest.

Princess Melita Bonaparte, of the Imperial Line, will play a San Francisco Police Officer–and the name of the film we asked. The Princess responded, “IN THE ORANGE LINE OF DUTY.” We think Lasse Hallström has agreed to direct. But we forgot to ask him. We hope that The Castro Theatre will premiere it for us.

Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte is ecstatic to be cast in the newest biopic soon-to-be released (as soon as they come up with a script & director) IN THE ORANGE LINE OF DUTY-about the trials of being officer Chris Kohr, and the transition from being unknown to becoming an international icon.  The part was tailor made for the Bonaparte Princess.

Her Imperial Highness, The Princess Melita Bonaparte is ecstatic to be cast in the newest biopic soon-to-be released (as soon as they come up with a script & director) IN THE ORANGE LINE OF DUTY-about the trials of being officer Chris Kohr, and the transition from being unknown to becoming an international icon. The part was tailor made for the Bonaparte Princess.

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